Category Archives: Banking

An elegant DIY Platinum key ring.

DIY Platinum key ring

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“Status is often associated with the rarest of metals”

Post type: rant
Inspiration courtesy: Standard Chartered
Why: Standards shatterred
Action Plan: you’ll see
Key ring, then?
Promise will be kept; read on.

“And Platinum, the rarest of them all, awaits you.”

“We invite you to the world of the Standard Chartered Platinum Credit Card.”

I bet you feel privileged to read those lines now, while completely aware that you don’t have a card waiting for you. Imagine the glitter in my eyes while I opened the black plain envelope on which these lines were printed in elegant white letters. There’s no better way to please me than with a killer presentation and simplicity. Why do you think I’m hopelessly stuck with the iPhone?

“Wow”, I thought.

Anyways, there are two reasons why I applied for this credit card:

  1. Reliance Consumer Finance screwed up my credit history last year and with a lot of effort I was able to get out of that relationship.
    No more business with Anil Ambani.
    The best way to find out if everything is alright at CIBIL is to apply for a credit card. It will be rejected right at the beginning of the process when you provide PAN number. I got through; so my efforts in breaking up with Reliance paid off well.
  2. When applied online, this will be a lifetime free card. I never held a credit card that had an annual fee. Many banks these days charge an annual fee and I don’t like it. So, lifetime free is good. Not a bad deal to verify my reason 1 above.

Now, I have a habit of skimming through the paperwork that comes with every freakin’ package I receive. Let it be a gadget manual, flipkart shipment, FedEx box or even the Zinda Tilismath 5ml bottle. I’m not saying I’ll digest all the fine print but I’ll try my best to see what the gist is.

Trouble started few minutes after I was “invited” into the envelope.

While point 1 above makes me happy, point 2 had a contradiction in the paperwork I received. It said I will be charged INR 844.00 as annual fee. Not even conditional, straight-forward debit.

[Conditional = "If you spend more than 30,000 in a year, then there won't be any annual fees. If you don't spend minimum 30,000 then there will be 750 INR annual fee, and Service Tax on that fee" types.]

Well, when you have a doubt, you clarify. I had one, so I did.

While I exchanged numerous emails [and I still am exchanging], let me give you the summary in simple phrases. Every line below is an email, either to or from Standard Chartered Platinum Support, that hires a dedicated resource to investigate into every question for complete seven working days and then, most probably asks for more information.

-I applied online. I confirmed with the person who collected my documentation. I confirmed with the lady who cross-verified my information over the telephone. I was told this is a ‘free for lifetime’ card. Why do I see annual charges in the paperwork I received?
-It is a “fee” card, not a “free” card.

-I applied online. I confirmed with the person who collected my documentation. I confirmed with the lady who cross-verified my information over the telephone. I was told this is a ‘free for lifetime’ card. Why do I see annual charges in the paperwork I received?
-First year free sir. From second year, you will pay 844.00 INR as annual fee.

-I applied online. I confirmed with the person who collected my documentation. I confirmed with the lady who cross-verified my information over the telephone. I was told this is a ‘free for lifetime’ card. Why do I see annual charges in the paperwork I received?
-Who told you so? Is there any written communication? Is there a reference number??

-I applied online. I confirmed with the person who collected my documentation. I confirmed with the lady who cross-verified my information over the telephone. I was told this is a ‘free for lifetime’ card. Why do I see annual charges in the paperwork I received?
-Unless I see a written proof, this is a “fee” card.

-I applied online. I confirmed with the person who collected my documentation. I confirmed with the lady who cross-verified my information over the telephone. I was told this is a ‘free for lifetime’ card. Why do I see annual charges in the paperwork I received?
-Only in December we had that offer. If you had applied in December, you would have gotten that offer.

-I applied in December!
-Your card was “generated” in January. So, offer not valid.

-Open Standard Chartered India website. Click “Internet Banking”. Check the banner that says “Free for life”. If you want a written proof, write that down. And once you’re done, please confirm that the card I received is a “free” card. AND, it’s not December anymore.
-Oh that!! Yes sir, it’s a free for life card for you.

:)

Phew!
Isn’t that sweet!

In between those email messages to and fro, because it takes 7 working days for each response, I called their support number as well.

Arun (my SC phone buddy) and Prakash (last email guy) both initially told me it was a “fee” card. Now, Prakash came around but am not sure what Arun thinks. So, just to be sure, my email exchange continues.

-Thanks for confirming that this is a “free” card. Now, send me written communication. May be a printed letter.
-I confirm this is a lifetime free card for you.

-I would prefer a laminated copy. What if you, Arun or someone else from SC asks me in the future the same question I was already asked? “Do you have a written communication? Is there a reference number??”
-I confirm this is a lifetime free card for you.

-And make sure there is a reference number attached to the communication. Apparently, that’s important!
- <awaiting response>

Simultaneously, there is another topic in discussion with Standard Chartered Platinum Support. They spelled my name incorrect [on the account, not card] and when asked for correction, they need (1). School leaving Certificate (2). Birth Certificate (3). Driving License (4). Passport (5). PAN Card copy.

I ask- who is the basta*d who typed my name into the database in the first place? Where did he get it from? Where did the documentation I provided go? Was it sold to some terrorists to get fake SIM cards? AND, because some dumbo cannot type my name carefully into the system, I send you all that information (self-attested, btw)?

I say- Send me a passport size photo of that idiot who entered my name into the system. Of course, self-attested. Attach his passport in original and send in “normal post only” without stamp. No registered post or couriers entertained.

Okay, now DIY key ring:

Material needed:

  1. Standard Chartered Platinum credit card
  2. Inspiration (free with Standard Chartered credit card)
  3. Paper hole punch machine
  4. Metal ring
  5. Key (optional)

Instructions:

  1. Punch a hole in the corner
  2. Mount a ring

Ta-da! There you have a 1,16,000 INR worth key ring! Elegant, heh? :)

Optional:

  1. Take a picture (creativity is always welcomed!)
  2. Publish a blog post
  3. Share the joy with Standard Chartered support:
    1. By sending the post link (my way)
    2. By sending flowers (like Munna Bhai MBBS)

Action plan:

I send this link to Standard Chartered Support every freakin’ day until my name is corrected.

If you charge me extra (annual fee or any other charge), I will fight, argue or break up. But if you spell my name incorrect, you’ve gone far. Too far. If you don’t correct it when pointed out, you don’t deserve to live. You die.

scfunda

Elaboration for @HDFC_Bank

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Dear @HDFC_Bank,

Normally when I write a post with an intent to get to somebody, I spend some time, do a little home work, have a point and then roll it out.

Am doing this post in a hurry; because, you know, you’re trying hard to assist me on twitter but are unable to.

If you remember this tweet, read on for the response.

While I already replied to the tweet immediately and we’ve been having a disconnected conversation over twitter, this is just a sample to let you understand what I’m referring to, when I say “issues”. I repeat, it’s plural.

And, no kidding, but the terrible service you provide deserves more than 140 chars.

Story background:

A while ago, I contacted your branch where I unfortunately have my salary/ savings account. I requested them to stop an ECS request from Reliance Capital. I was surprised to know that I couldn’t do that! I have no control over my account? I didn’t dare to ask if I can at least block cheques anytime in the future; I kinda know what you’ll say.

Hold on for a moment now. I know you’re thinking “there is a way to stop ECS, all you have to do is get a declaration from Reliance Capital that requests you to cancel the ECS”. Now, take a deep breath and try to understand what’s going on in my mind.

If I come to you with a request to block a cheque (hypothetically, because a cheque is stolen, let’s say), you want me to find the cheque and submit it to you in original, along with my address proof, original passport, valid VISA, telephone bill, ration card, Voter ID card, 2 color passport-size photographs, and, may be my office ID card in original?

Think about it- if I can convince Reliance to cancel the ECS, why the heck would I come to you again and request you to cancel/ dishonor the request? I’m sure you have your dumb policies and bunch of forms at your finger tips, but can you at least get into my mind for a moment and look at the situation?

Here is an email that made me aware of your policy.

Current issue sample:

Again, this is not one of my primary concerns right now, however, as I told you, showing you a sample of why I hate HDFC so much and trying hard, in every way possible to kick you out of my life.

Your recent messages to me on twitter were talking about me visiting the branch to address the situation.

Well, that’s been on for about 6 months now and may be you call it “Retail Asset Branch” to sound/ read good on websites, but I refer to it as “Headquarters, Organized Crime, HDFC”.

Anyways, unable to bear with your pathetic Customer Service, being not in a position to explain every Tom, Dick and Harry, what assistance I need, and simply fed up with HDFC because no one can help me as it’s never “something you can take care of” (there’s always somebody else to address the concern and he/ she has not surfaced in 6 months!), AND more than all of these, not willing to pay huge penalties that arise due to your inability to solve a problem & you impose a fine everytime your kids need new school shoes, I chose to finally visit the “Headquarters”, and you wouldn’t believe, foreclosed the loan with credit card! *Sigh!*

That sounds pathetic even to read it, haan? I did it. Because, that’s how much I hate you now.

But, that’s not the point here, take a look at the letter below I received when I paid the total outstanding to foreclose the loan (yes, school shoes included).

Now, you tell me what do I do with this next ECS that’s referred to here. If I contact the branch, they will want a declaration from the “Headquarters” a.k.a Retail Asset Branch, with cancellation request.

While am not planning to deal with the “Headquarters” now, they gave me a letter that the loan is completely closed! AND STILL, you’re thinking of an ECS presentation.

The loan guy wants me to stop the ECS but the bank account guy won’t allow me to do it. For heaven’s sake, both are part of the same dumb organization!

Let me remind you again, immediately, that both these (the loan fellow and the bank fellow) are from HDFC. If you’re unable to stand on one word within your organization, imagine my plight to deal with HDFC and Reliance Capital in combination! By the way, if I have not mentioned already, they’re your tough competition for Customer Service; they rock as much as you do, but more on that later.

As I said, I don’t even have patience to explain all other such issues with HDFC. I understand you’ve charged me on my loan, as well as Savings account in the name of penalties because two divisions within your own organization don’t understand/ work with each other; but who can put a price on kids’ shoes, huh?

Thank you for all the attempts you did/ are making to address my concerns. Just to let you know the status: the reps who called me so far are useless; they ate up lot of my valuable time; and charged me heavy penalties on top of that.

I’ll pay for the uniforms too, could you please, please leave me alone?!!

Additional recommended reading: http://viveeonline.com/blog/category/hdfc-suck-cess-stories/

 

HDFC’s new style – Convex marketing

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Convex marketing is the art of looking at things through a magnifying glass. If you haven’t bumped into the term already, don’t worry. I just made it up! :)

Marketing is in a way by default looking at positive aspects and highlighting them big time to impress customers. And, looks like HDFC is doing it a little more than obvious. Continue reading →

SBH ‘Explore’d

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I hope you’ve read my earlier experiences with banks. I should be a tough customer for everyone; why else would I have a terrible experience with every bank? Or, may be my stay in ‘Customer Support’ arena for the last 8 years (all my career!) forces me to look at service in a different way.

You can access my earlier posts about Emotional banking, HDFC (here, here and here), UTI, ICICI, SBI and Credit card calls right on this blog.

This one is with State Bank of Hyderabad (SBH). This is the first bank I opened an account with, when in graduation. My dad and uncle wanted me to have an account of my own to start savings (I used to earn OK with tuitions and stuff back then) but the idea of showing off a cheque book was more appealing than savings, so I did open one.

I used it for a while, with not many issues. Until I got my first salary account (with all those free transactions, zero balance, ATM card and Internet banking), I thought standing in line for 20 minutes to withdraw Rs. 300/- was perfectly normal. Then I realized I didn’t have to keep track of the bank holidays and timings (10.00 am – 2.30 pm) anymore. So, I started using ICICI more than SBH. And then someday soon I had already forgotten I had an account with SBH. And then I discovered my ‘passbook’ in some old files.

I took it to the bank and inquired about the balance. By then, they had supposedly changed the account number format twice and it took 45 minutes in the line to get a new account number and passbook with dotmatrix print (It was pen and paper before). Yeah, everytime I asked to have my passbook updated with the transactions, they put the complete book in the printer. How kool?

Then I saw an advertisement on billboard or newspaper that SBH has come up with ATM cards. I had one from ICICI already but why not another one if I have an option? How kool would it be to flash two ATM cards when someone asks if I have a bank account, haan? So, I went to the bank and requested an ATM card for my account.

The first person I approached looked surprised and answered “We don’t have an ATM card for SBH! If you are so much into technology and advanced banking, you have to go to one of those corporate banks like ICICI, HDFC or GTB”. Yep, Global Trust Bank was one of the well known banks then, unfortunately no more now.

I wanted to talk to the manager. Not very surprised this time, I received the same answer from manager. I actually had to get the newspaper cutting and show him that SBH has an ATM card. I wonder how it happened that a branch manager had no information about it. He then inquired with some assistants and gave me an application form.

Six weeks later, I received the card and after another two weeks, and may be 5-6 visits to the branch, I got the ATM pin. All was well till April first week, 2006.

Two days before I left to US on a corporate trip, I lost my wallet. I lost all the ATM cards with some good amount of cash I saved to get new shoes and stuff. I managed to block the credit cards and ATM cards from other banks. Till today I didn’t even bother to visit SBH branch and/ or block the card, it’s almost 4 years now!

Today on my way to office, I saw a billboard that talked about “SBH Explore”. It’s a new face of SBH with all the corporate banking features. Wow, if the technology allows me to access my account without standing in line at the branch, I wanted to give it a try. I walked into office, opened a browser and searched for the URL. I didn’t have any luck at first but then I visited Wikipedia page to get the official site there. And guess what? I see this message below. Cheers SBH! :)

Com’on, they forgot to renew the domain name? Huh!

Emotional banking?

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There’s this lady who works for some consultant that does business for HDFC Bank. She sells their financial products like loans and credit cards etc. I guess like most other marketing firms, they have a database of mobile numbers they keep calling every now and then to check if we need any financial products or services. I listen to all that they have to say, tell them why I don’t need a loan/ credit card and then hang up politely. But, when you receive another call, you never know if you have already spoken to that person. I guess neither do they. After all, 8 out of 10 calls, they talk for more than a few minutes and then ask for my name!

Anyways, this lady I am talking about called me a couple of months ago a few times on the same day. Of course she did not know it was the same person she was calling. On the third call I guess, I just laughed and told her that was too much. She admitted that may be she had the number listed multiple times and she gets that list from her supervisor for leads every day/ week. I gave her my name and asked her to remember it so as to not call again. She did remember my name and she did not call after that. However, she added my number to her business SMS list. So, since then I receive an SMS promoting financial products once in a week or two. I tried to reach her a few times when my friends needed a loan but I couldn’t get through. I assumed she is either no longer working there or may be they don’t enertain incoming calls.

Last Sunday, I received another SMS asking me to call her if I needed a loan. I was at office with nothing important to do. I was either reading a book or watching some movie all afternoon. Bad time, none of the friends were online too to while up time. I replied to her SMS asking to delete my number from the mass SMS list. She called me within a minute and I was trying hard not to burst out with laughter. I can’t recollect the exact lines but she explained about some emotional banking!

“Sir, it’s okay if you don’t need a loan sir. Only one sms kno sir, that too only one every week. If you delete the sms and then some friend needs loan, you will not have my number kno sir. So, I send one every week to keep you updated with my number. Call me anytime you need either a credit card or a loan sir. Call me when your friends or office people want a loan also. Last month when you called my mobile was not working I think sir. That’s why I could not answer your call sir. This time I will make sure I will answer. Please don’t feel bad and get emotional for not answering call sir. Even if you send sms I will call you back for documents sir… … …”

I actually did not listen to what she was saying after that ‘emotional’ marketing. I put my phone down and continued reading. Not very polite I know, but I couldn’t help it!

Btw, if you need a loan let me know :P

There’s competition out there!

1 Reply
When I first read the line “Everything is same except for the name”, I sincerely hoped it was not. Almost an year ago, I stopped operating my Savings Account with UTI for valid reasons. And when I learned that UTI is undergoing some transformation, was hoping that the change will pull me back to some extent, if not win my heart.

Read my earlier experiences with banks here.

It turns out that they are being very honest about the change. I did contact them after it became AXIS and didn’t find any reason to change my opinion. They have some policies (some of them as stupid as their competitors) and they abide by them.

I don’t term them as bad bankers to start with. It could just be me who is unfortunate. However, when I explained the story recently, they still wanted to stick to their word. This surprises me to some extent. Anyway, it’s true that ‘everything is same except for the name’!

A couple of suggestions to AXIS if they would want to stop inspiring bloggers like me:
  • This is 2007! Not 1985. Every small thing should not need the customer to visit your branch.
    In fact, my experience started with this policy of their’s. They come to us and provide the ‘starter kit’ and what not when opening the account. I don’t even know where the branch office is. For every question I ask, all I hear is: “Please visit your branch to sort this out”
  • Let customer’s access their accounts online! Providing a username and password should not be so difficult.
    I was asked for my Date of Birth, Mother’s Maiden Name and a few other details when I opened the account. They need those details for ‘verification’ in case I forget my password. When I did lose my Internet banking info, they said verification over the phone is not entrusting and they want me in person at their branch office!
  • Use a little bit of technology! Not very too much, a little bit!!
    After the name changed to AXIS, I was browsing through their site to obtain an email address for support. I needed this because they want me to visit the branch if I call. And visiting their branch for every small transaction is the last thing I expect from them. All their ‘Contact Us’ pages have physical addresses only! I could finally get hold of one email address they claim it to be of the chief complaince officer or something like that.
  • And this one is pretty common to all the banks I guess. “The communication has been sent to you and…” complete the story. They never care whether we received the so called ‘communication’ or not. And I wonder what form of communication that is. In fact, last year is when I contacted them for Internet banking information. I stopped using the account since then and my account was closed sometime ago, after a ‘communication’ was sent to me. I don’t remember any email or phone call in the recent past. Further, I did move to a different locality in the past year and didn’t update them as they would need me ‘in person’ to update the address.
  • Blind rule that everyone knows is ‘never lose a customer’.
    In fact when ICICI Bank Branch Manager asked me to close my account because I had a cheque with a mismatched name, I was shocked. This wasn’t much surprising after that. AXIS wanted me to open another account with them. Well, after experiencing their service in so many ways, I am no dumbo to go back to them. I know I don’t have a lot of choice as all banks ‘compete’ in these cheap tricks to make money, I just have to figure out who is less stupid and bank with them. Huh!

If anyone else has suggestions based on your experiences, feel free to comment on this post. I in fact promised to let AXIS know once I publish this post. Hope they will implement a few, if not all of them listed here!

ICICI Strikes back!

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iciciIs it just me? Or does anyone else experience the same? At least 25% of the transactions with the banks become nightmares.

This incident has been going on for a couple of weeks now with no solution. Well, there IS an ultimate solution provided the Branch Manager, finally! Read on…

I deposited a cheque in my account. Properly filled in the PAY IN slip and dropped it in the ATM nearby. I guess two to three days is normal duration it takes to credit the amount in my account. When I checked that nothing happened for a week, I sent an email to Customer Care to inquire. It appears that there is a name mismatch (the one on my account and the one on the cheque are not exactly the same) and the money is put in some ‘unclaimed account’. I’ve been claiming it everyday since 2 weeks, by the way!

  1. They would not credit money in my account until both have same names on it
  2. ICICI went to the drawee bank and got money to put it in unclaimed account. So, as per my friend’s statement, ‘I got the money’
  3. I had to contact the bank to find out the status. They keep the money aside and wouldn’t even care to inform. When I checked about this, they didn’t have a proper answer. Well, why the hell do you ask to fill in mobile AND Home telephone number on the deposit slips? To call me and check if I need any personal loan? If you have a profitable account like ‘unclaimed’ where you have all our money, we would NEED personal loan, by the way!
  4. Now, Customer Care is after me (calls and emails) asking me to visit branch to change the name on it. According to them, any document that has the correct name (i.e., the one on the cheque) should be fine to get it done
  5. Branch manager (Jubilee Hills) has very simple answer. The name cannot be changed at any cost. Best option is to close your account. I was silent for few minutes in his cabin and couldn’t even think for some time. All I could say was ‘Wow!’
  6. Customer Care still thinks that the name can be changed. Well, am not sure how long are they going to argue to put this process in place

And the discussion with the Branch Manager when he asked me to close the account was the best part I guess. I was trying to understand the reason for NOT being able to change the name. After all, it’s my name, my account, I was standing right in front of him, offered to provide copies of any documents, or pictures, signature, whatever. I guess he was too concerned about auditors. ‘Sir, they would question me as to why I processed the cheque as the name is a different one’. Didn’t make sense to me either.

By the way, name on the cheque is ‘Vivekananda K’ and the bank supposedly knows me as ‘Vivekananda Reddy’.

I was trying to convince him that it’s the same person and I could provide my identity proof, even for the record, if he is too worried about the auditors. He could reference this file if the question arises! However, I think he got his basics very strong! Anything that auditors could question: is bad; and never do it! At one point in time I even asked directly if he wants to be ‘careful’ for the auditors even at the cost of the customers. His answer was a straight ‘yes!’ All he is after is, to close my account, open a new one with the name that is on the cheque.

Well, I agree with the closing part. I obviously have better things to do than talk to them/ spend time composing emails. Why ICICI if I have to open it again? Let’s see.