Change is English Language

langThe European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pep.

🙂

F.R.I.E.N.D.S Title Song Lyrics

I’m sure this needs no introduction! Enjoy! 🙂

FRIENDS
So, no one told you life was gonna be this way…
Your Job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A…
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear…
And it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year…

But –

I’ll be there for you… when the rain starts to fall…
I’ll be there for you… like I’ve been there before…
I’ll be there for you… cause you’re there for me, too… …

You’re still in bed at ten and work began at eight…
You’ve burned your breakfast, so far everything is great…
Your mother warned you there’d be days like these…
But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees…

That –

I’ll be there for you… when the rain starts to fall…
I’ll be there for you… like I’ve been there before…
I’ll be there for you… cause you’re there for me, too…

🙂

A Short History of Medicine

Complaint to health practitioner: “I have an earache.”

The cure:

2000 B.C. Here, eat this root
1000 B.C. That root is heathen, say this prayer
A.D. 1800 That prayer is just superstition, drink this potion
A.D. 1940 That potion is worthless snake oil, here, take this pill
A.D. 1985 That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic
A.D. 2000 That antibiotic is artificial, here, eat this root.

(?!?!!)

Dr. Watson with Mr. Holmes – My All time favourite

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Few hours later, Mr. Holmes woke up and nudged his faithful friend awake. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?” Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”