Who Understands Men?

A while ago, there was a post about what girls really mean (pun intended) when using normal phrases in a conversation.  Let me make it up to you by some insight into men’s world as well 🙂

  • Just for fun-
  • received as a forward-
  • from a girl’s point of view

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.

The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don’t think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and are heterosexual are shy and… NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW… WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?

😀

Crazy English

You might have read this one before. I have. Yet, every time I re-read this, I enjoy the crazy-ness. Here it is for you all:

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
..

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England .


We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,

grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.


If you have a bunch of odds and ends

and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?


We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?

Hide and Seek

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100, and then start searching.

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein’s counting 1, 2, 3 … … 97, 98, 99, 100.

He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing right in front.

Einstein says “Newton’s out… Newton’s out…”
Newton denies and says he is not out, he claims that he is not Newton!

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton…

Newton: “I am standing in an area 1m squared. That makes me Newton per meter squared. Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I’m Pascal.

Therefore Pascal is OUT!

😛