Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Few hours later, Mr. Holmes woke up and nudged his faithful friend awake. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”
1. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
2. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
3. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
4. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
5. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
9. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
10. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
11. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
12. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
13. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
14. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
15. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.
16. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it’s called Stallone’s Law).
17. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
18. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
19. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
20. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.