One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money!
— Edgar Watson Howe
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two
— Sir Norman Wisdom
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
— Doug Larson
A harmful truth is always better than… a useful lie!
— Eric Bolton
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
— Erno Philips
I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’.
— Robert Paul
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk; and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
— Phyllis Diller
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
— Victor Borge
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
— W.C. Fields
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
— Will Rogers