Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison
If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ – they leave skid marks!
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.
— Joey Adams
I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife findsout, she’ll kill me.
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
— Benny Hill