I miss myself

Do we have any servicing centers for brains? I guess mine isn’t running well these days. I might need to change some oils or spares to be back in form. I need some technical tweaking to get back to my original self. I wonder what changed so drastically that put me in this confused position.

To start with, am missing myself. I know this is not original me. I can’t roll back to a previously saved ‘restore point’ as there is none. Something has changed that hopefully can be undone. Or may be completed all the way thoroughly and get past that stage. But for sure, am not happy with what I am right now. I mean, at this moment, right now.

  • I used to sleep for 9 hours minimum every day. Now, I get 5 hours continuous sleep and if lucky, another nap for an hour before I go to work. I never compromised my sleep, for anything, at any cost. Well, am doing now. And the worst part is I am not unhappy for doing this. This ain’t me!
  • My camera batteries are dead for about three weeks now. I have no motivation to buy a new set and work on the hobby. Camera is lying there on the table still, covered with dust an unused. This ain’t me!
  • After knowing that I can save about Rs. 400/- every month on home telephone connection, it took 3 months to make just one phone call and change the bill plan. Am I becoming lazy?
  • About three weeks ago, my hard disk died. I am hoping the data can be recovered from the two drives which have my photos and the Vista installation. All I have to do is take it to a technician and review. I almost forgot about that until I started this post!
  • I used to rip my yamaha through traffic at 60-70 speeds in normal traffic and still used to feel confident I can stop the bike if I had to, at any moment. I bid farewell to yamaha and got an Activa. That’s not the issue; now my heart beat increases if I cross 50 kmph in city traffic now. Am I scared of something unfortunate?
  • I am addicted to Internet. Earlier, all I used to connect to Internet was for about an hour everyday. Check gmail, be online for that duration and get the hell out of there. Even orkut, I used to reply to any scraps I received. Now, I got on facebook as well. I am online for hours together accomplishing literally nothing. Doesn’t sound right! It’s been weeks I even checked out photos on Flickr. And months that I added an album to my Picasa!
  • Blog is not bad. Though am not expressing very meaningful thoughts, I am here to maintain my presence. Is that just to let everyone know that my blog isn’t deleted yet?
  • I used to wait for weekends so that I can get out and have fun. It earlier included photography expeditions, shopping and a lot more. Now, I get up on weekends and do nothing. As the weekend gets over, I feel bad because it’s over. All I do is grab my regular dose of beer and that’s it.
  • Work isn’t interesting either. All those who have talked to me in the last 6-8 months at least, you know my plight here. No more comments!
  • And I don’t even know why am penning down one of the worst stages of my life online. Am I looking for sympathy or a resolution by some savior? I guess no, or am not sure. Man, am so confused! 😀


21 Replies to “I miss myself”

  1. I agree with you Vinod. While adopting a new hobby etc gives us some diversion to concentrate on, actually, stopping to care for anyone and giving a damn to the world can answer a million questions!

    Wake up and march forward. Am sure there are much more exciting things in store for us in the near future! 🙂

  2. This is happening with everyone mama.
    This is because of LACK OF MOTIVATION. To overcome what I feel is do what makes you feel good. Like adopt a new hobby, just don’t care anyone, Give a damn to this world.

    We are here for only few days just live it to the fullest.

    By the way Thanks Vivek, By reading this blog you woke me up.

    Vinod Pindiyan

  3. Btw, today I was on road from 11 am till 11 pm… 2 x lime soda, 1 x sugar cane juice, 3 x tea, multiple times water, lunch at subway, dinner at Domino’s… my nose isn’t bleeding yet… am testing my limits 🙂

    Also, I bought one battery pack for my cam! It’s dusted and clicked few pics at tankbund too!! 🙂

  4. That stage will come in a while. Ee lopu manam kasta composed ga unte, a vache madam ni kuda deal chesenduku ready ga undochu… ilanti confusion lo ayithe etu kakunda potham!

  5. Shiva, thanks for the note. Looking forward to get past this phase and the flying colors… we do have many things in common for last 10 yrs, either planned or unplanned. As u said, it would be great to get into a new life…

    nee solution kuda naku bagaa nachindi… sare ee sari vinta… kummeddam anthe! 😛

  6. Chaduvuthunte baavundi…”New Life Begins”…Even I need one such thing and I need it very desperately…
    And by the way, pette aa program oka one week postpone cheyandi…95% I will join you guys…

  7. ayina enno saarlu cheppa…vinnav kaadu….mandu thakkuva ayithe anthe….ee weekend kummeddam anthe….hangover vastadi….mandulesukundaam….daanitho paate nee maayarogam kooda poddi….:p

  8. Hmmm…You are becoming “ONE YEAR BACK ‘ME’ ” :p. Thats not serious buddy…You need to pass this phase…otherwise you will become a very boring person to yourself with the same old FASCINATING rountine…Just wait and see…you will come out of this with flying colors all around either out of frustration or from a spark from somewhere…and a new life begins…Believe me…it happens

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